Moving dirt from here to there

By today I was really starting to feel horrible. Between seeing others go to new levels and myself not seeming to have any encounters at all, I was getting very frustrated. We woke up early and headed out to the "orphanage" which is the easiest way to describe it even though it was not one.

I worked at digging a hole that would be used to burn trash. Other groups chopped down cactus, painted, picked up trash, or dug a hole for a new outhouse. Starting from scratch we were able to dig an 8 foot by 8 foot hole that was about 3-4 feet deep. It certainly didn't seem like much, but when you consider how fast we tackled it, it would have taken them possibly weeks to dig. They had been constructing a new building that looks far from completion but has been under construction for 2 years. I hope to get the trip video up online sometime soon after I finish editing it and there is some hilarious footage from our work.

After lunch and a much needed rest period in the shade (the temperature was up to just over 100 degrees) we put on a big program for all of the kids. This included a drama, teaching on how to hear from God, soaking, worship, and then at the end some crazy balloons. It was great. I was lucky to escape the several hours of shoveling with only 3 blisters, 1 of which was very painful for a few days but was no longer hurting by the time we came back to Redding.

We went back to our base to shower up and get ready for the evening service. We were going to be doing a worship workshop which I was totally not looking forward to at this point. I did not want to speak at it because frankly I didn't think I should. When I had been on a worship team in the past, my heart in doing it was not right at all. So I felt that I shouldn't be there sharing. So, when the group went to go hold the workshop I stayed seated in the back videotaping the service.

I realized an important lesson (writing this on March 26th) that for someone who is called to ministry the worst thing you can do when you don't feel you have anything to offer in ministry is to go do something else that keeps you from ministering to others. Had I just gone with the group I would have had a great time, but instead I sat in the back of the service holding a video camera thinking of how I have nothing to offer and am stuck as the camera man. The same thing happened for me in doing worship. Not that there is anything wrong with working behind the scenes or being a musician. I just realized that it should be the people who are called to do it and not people who are hiding or being hidden from ministry.

That night I was truly miserable. In praying for people I couldn't discern a thing and it seemed like I didn't have an answer for anyone. A few ladies did get healed of a fallen bladder. I have never even heard of it before and there were two in the same meeting. This was where I was not really caring that people were getting healed, I just wanted to be with God. On the ride back to the base I just sat in the back of the van crying out to God (silently).