Out of Momentum

Tonight at homegroup I finally had an epiphany of the past week. Everyone was talking about how great things have been since last Thursday when Beni spoke in class. They were saying how they all felt there was a huge shift and things have been much easier since then. Maybe I have my radio tuned into the wrong frequency because although I agree that Beni was great, the days leading up to her speaking and the days following have all been rough for me.

Looking back, it seems as though my peak was the second day of the Eyes and Wings Conference. The last day of the conference I was already trying to feed off of what had happened the previous day. To be honest I wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Looking back even further, it has now been a month since I quit my job at Target, went to Atlanta, and unfortunately have not been praying and soaking much at all. Something in me had said, "you better not stop praying," but at the same time it seemed so much harder to get it into my schedule even though I had an extra 25-30 hours in my week freed up due to not having a job.

Part of my excuse was that I was gone so much. For Atlanta I was gone for 5 days. Then after 4 days back I left for 4 days for the youth Winter Camp. Then I had a day and a half to recooperate before the Eyes and Wings Conference started, which for me lasted 2 extra days since I had friends in town. After 4 days of being mostly normal, I went to our Berkeley outreach in San Francisco for 3 days. I took yesterday to rest, and now was back at school today.

In a way, I can view this experience as valuable training in that I realize the importance of rest, but more importantly my relationship with God is in the midst of ministry. I am trying now to get back into that place of rest with God, spending time soaking and praying, trying to redig the wells that I abandoned for the past month.

Probably the most discouraging thing for me, other than the fact that I felt like I have lost the level of manifestation of His presence that I had been at, was that everyone around me seems like they are on a whole different level than I am in the spirit. I was amazed as I listened to them speak tonight that I didn't have a clue what any of them were talking about and that I had no idea how God was talking to me.

That also was happening a lot in San Francisco this weekend. It seemed like everyone was wearing 3-D glasses except for me. They were all talking about the things they were seeing in the spirit, which were amazing, and I might as well have never known that God speaks to us and can show us things. I wasn't picking up a signal at all while everyone else seemed to be picking up multiple stations at once.

One of the leaders brought up a very interesting point that did at least encourage me some, I think. He said that we already have the authority over things but we just don't understand that we have it. The reason why I don't walk in the breakthrough is because I don't have the faith that I have it. So, it seems to me that in order to see that breakthrough come, I must simply believe that I have it, rather than needing to pray for the next 20 years for God to give it to me.

Another thing that stuck with me is what one of the other leaders said. She mentioned an analogy of seeking after a freshly baked batch of chocolate chip cookies instead of just eating the one chocolate chip cookie that you already have. It is like seeking after a new encounter with God instead of just continually returning to the same encounter that you have been having.

I have found that it is true that the encounter will sustain you for a little while, but after some time, you do need a fresh encounter. Right now, that one encounter that I had been reusing for a week or so has run dry and I am in need of something new. Shoot, right now I would be happy just to have it back again. I feel like I took multiple steps back after only stepping forward for the past several months.

It is kinda like running on a treadmill. When school started I was just barely walking. But slowly the speed started to increase so that in November I was starting to jog, by December I was running and now was quickening the pace just about every day, if not every day. Then, one month ago, when I stopped praying, the treadmill was unplugged and so I was only running off of the momentum that had already been created. When a treadmill is stopped it doesn't take long for the running surface to become an immovable force.

Like a car coasting up a hill, if you have enough speed you can go for a little while, but soon your momentum will stop. Yup, lesson learned. Prayer and soaking was totally sustaining me through my long days and little sleep. Now is a great time to start asking for gifts and to start walking in the authority that God has already given me! Prayer and soaking will be my vehicles of choice for climbing the higher mountain that is next on the horizon.